| Author |
Message |
    
lorraine troy (Sunflower)
Starlite Member
Username: Sunflower
| | Posted on Thursday, July 01, 2004 - 04:00 am: | 
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i would greatly appreciate your comments and suggestions on how i could improve my song lyrics
thank you |
LOVEmePOETRY (Lovemepoetry)
Starlite Member
Username: Lovemepoetry
| | Posted on Thursday, July 01, 2004 - 06:04 am: |
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I tried to help you-----but I could not open the song-----post it or send it---I will give it my best college try
LOVEmePOETRY@webtv.net
Bring a little love with you
Take some love when you leave
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lorraine troy (Sunflower)
Starlite Member
Username: Sunflower
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 06, 2004 - 04:49 am: |
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All my life I have always thought that life is unfair (yeah)
Why was I, the only one who was always left there (yeah)
Why as I. the only one caught in the middle (yeah)
Why was I, the only one different from everyone (yeah)
But soon you will realise that
Chorus
I used to have sleepless nights
Always staring at the blank walls in case I find the answer
There was a time I wanted to take my own life
I thought this would solve my nights
I thought maybe I will know as I get older
Chorus
Then one day when I was alone in the dark
Something strong came to my thoughts
I don’t have to be old to be wiser
I sat down thinking of all the good times
A smile came to my face because now I realised
Chorus
Life is not unfair girl to everyone
There is a reason why things happen that way
Not everyone has everything they want
Stop asking yourself those whys
Because only one day you will realise that (that’s what makes you who you are)
Bridge
Yeah yeah yeah
Tu ru tuuuu
Ru tu tu tu
Nana na nana na
Yeah yeah
Life is not unfair to anyone
It is a gift from the only god
Someday you will realise
That life is not an fair to anyone
Chorus
|
Alvin culzac (Theunknownpoet)
Starlite Member
Username: Theunknownpoet
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 28, 2004 - 11:13 am: |
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Hi Ya Sunflower
I am not an expert, but how about shortening the verse lines a little bit?
You know, to give it that bit of snap? |
Janice L Dryer (Tears_of_hope)
Starlite Member
Username: Tears_of_hope
| | Posted on Thursday, January 13, 2005 - 03:10 am: |
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How fast is you song (fast,slow,med.)? I like the song but try so split up the verses a lil bit....You are a good writer keep up the good work |
Dorothy Lee VanVeelen (Vando)
Starlite Member
Username: Vando
| | Posted on Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 01:20 pm: |
|
It's OKAY, but it's lacking something. You don't really have a hook, and the bridge is a little fluffy. I agree that you need to shorten the verse lines slightly.
Repetition can be good, but it gets redundant in this peice. It has a good foundation but it needs some work. |
Pam Schwetz (Pamschwetz)
Starlite Member
Username: Pamschwetz
| | Posted on Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 01:44 pm: |
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what is your chorus?
It is kind of confusing to read here...is it the second stanza cuz if it is that reads more like a verse...if it is the first stanza, I wouldn't start out with the chorus and I would change it up more like this...let's see
I used to have sleepless nights
Always staring at the blank walls in case I find the answer
There was a time I wanted to take my own life
I thought this would solve my nights
I thought maybe I will know as I get older
bridge here...Yeah yeah yeah
Tu ru tuuuu
Ru tu tu tu
Nana na nana na
Yeah yeah
Then one day when I was alone in the dark
Something strong came to my thoughts
I don’t have to be old to be wiser
I sat down thinking of all the good times
A smile came to my face because now I realised
Chorus:
All my life I have always thought that life is unfair (yeah)
Why was I, the only one who was always left there (yeah)
Why as I. the only one caught in the middle (yeah)
Why was I, the only one different from everyone (yeah)
but soon you will realize that
Life is not unfair girl to everyone
There is a reason why things happen that way
Not everyone has everything they want
Stop asking yourself those whys
Because only one day you will realise that (that’s what makes you who you are)
Life is not unfair to anyone
It is a gift from the only god
Someday you will realise
That life is not an fair to anyone
Chorus All my life I have always thought that life is unfair (yeah)
Why was I, the only one who was always left there (yeah)
Why as I. the only one caught in the middle (yeah)
Why was I, the only one different from everyone (yeah)
but soon you will realize that
(fade out with the bridge part at the endbridge here)...Yeah yeah yeah
Tu ru tuuuu
Ru tu tu tu
Nana na nana na
Yeah yeah
what do ya think? Hope this helps...Pam
(Message edited by pamschwetz on December 08, 2005)
www.postpoems.com/members/pamschwetz
www.myspace.com/pamschwetz
www.geocities.com/pamschwetz/pamschwetz.html
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Elizabeth Len Gonsauls
Starlite Member
Username: Ellie23568
| | Posted on Friday, March 17, 2006 - 08:03 pm: |
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Its a good song! But I agree! you do need to shorten the verses a little! and honestly... there are alot of yeah's in the first verse... spred them out some, it will help i think. otherwise, just fix the spelling errors, and your good to go! Great work! Email me some more if you have any others please! |
sony lyrics