| Author |
Message |
    
Michael Mackinnon (Djemboy2)
Starlite Member
Username: Djemboy2
| | Posted on Friday, December 16, 2005 - 06:52 pm: | 
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The actress
Verse 1
Day one you arrive in the city of dreams
A little money in your purse, in your eyes a gleam
And your talent will make you an overnight success
But all you’re hearing is no and occasionally “next”
Verse 2
Week two now you’re a waitress tryin to make ends meet
Good job you’re not a dancer with all the blisters on your feet
Auditions drying up these are desperate times
Then an ad in a store window catches your eye
Chorus
It was never supposed to be quite like this
Came lookin for a way into show business
All your hopes and dreams of becoming a star
As you leave your bridges burning there’s a bridge too far
Verse 3
Month three you’re a dancer in a seedy night club
Your initial dream is fading cause the money is good
Your rise to the top unbelievably fast
And then one night you’re discovered at last
Verse 4
Year 1 now you’ve made it in the movie game
You never go home no one knows of your fame
The bright lights in your dreams of Hollywood
Can’t be seen from inside the shallow grave you’ve dug
Chorus
It was never supposed to be quite like this
Came lookin for a way into show business
All your hopes and dreams of becoming a star
As you leave your bridges burning there’s a bridge too far
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Dorothy Lee VanVeelen (Vando)
Starlite Member
Username: Vando
| | Posted on Monday, December 19, 2005 - 12:41 pm: |
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I like the idea, but some of the foot and meter is off...and the rhymes are a bit break-y. If I were you I'd combine some of the verses and make adjustments to bits that don't flow, and I'd probably chance the chorus a bit so it has an interesting hook.This concept IS a bit overdone, but I think you're heading in a good direction with it, you just need to create some more points of interest. I'd also add a sad bridge if I were you. |
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