Back so far to a time that's cloudy now
Through wrinkles and bends in time, I begin to wonder how
How did it ever come to this, how did the life I had fade away from me?
I used to see light when I looked in the mirror at these faded green eyes, now darkness is all I see
Back to a time when life made sense, when I knew up from down
Through the holes in the times of my life, before I lay cumbled to the ground
I can hardly remember far enough back to a time when my mind wasn't so torn in two
Back to a time, before I had gone through the trials and errors of what was lies and what was true
Now I lay awake at night, how am I supposed to dream with all this in my head
Going back over everything left undone, and unsaid
Back to a time before my life had been held down and beaten black and blue
Back to a time so long ago, when I still believed that dreams come true...
Back that far I found a little girl, with eyes like emeralds, so green
Looking into those eyes is the closest glimpse of heaven I have ever seen
I looked at this beautiful little girl, she was maybe seven or eight
And then I noticed the tears falling from her eyes... and right then I knew nothing of fate
It couldn't be destined for an angel to cry
I looked down at her sweet face, got down on my knees, and asked her why
She looked at me without an ounce of fear, only with certainty
'You couldn't understand even if you wanted to...' The little girl was me...
Looking back at a women who was once beautiful and full of light
But now new well enough what it was like to cry herself to sleep at night
A woman who had been beaten, burned, and torn through every day
A woman who knew that nothing was forever and that no one would ever stay
I looked back at my reflection, mascara stained, and all the black and blue
And I have never been more certain of anything, that this one thing had always been so true
That I was damaged in a way that could never be corrected, even with oceans of time at hand
That my life would continue to slip through my fingers like grains of sand
Then I looked down at my shaking hands... I thought... no not like this... never again
Then I took control, and promised to never be that weak again
I know exactly what it's like to be weak... I know how long it takes to build the wall
The wall that will keep me safe from this mess, the static and all
I closed my eyes, and finally, darkness was all around me
And the only thing that flashed in my mind was the things that mattered to me
And I saw their faces, happy and smiling, looking so alive and full of light
And I knew that I had to get back the only thing that would make anything alright
I live only for the day, that things make sense again
I can hardly remember so far back... did they ever make sense??? I am not the same as I was then...