All of the yesterdays come flooding into my memory the yesterday that I was hurt the yesterday that I was treated like dirt the yesterday that I was betrayed and the chance of those yesterdays coming back and being today
I remember when I truly felt alive but now I'm just bones trying to survive I reminisce every moment of each day and nothing rescues me, my mind is alone and mean
I find myself doubting things more and more I've become numb to practically everything I'm sure but deep down inside is this pit in me a thousand feet deep filled with all the regrets and conflicts that slowly got suffocated and buried alive in me
My eyes are dim to anything in front of me I can't think of one thing that truly excites me people annoy me by prolonging talking I just want to smash everything up and start walking
I just want to escape this place But I am stuck here wondering when I'll get replaced By another me, or another her another victim to climb on the ladder of hurt
Am I in the wrong? for feeling so weak am I as strong as I'd like to believe
How long can I take it? The lies, the deceit and will I make it? beyond our retreat
I cannot trust you or anybody because I have not been shown the right to go with all the wrong that I've had in my life I want to break down in front of you many times more but to you it's just something I will get over maybe I've become a bore?
I have been lied to, I have been used I have been cheated and physically abused I have been through the worst kind of hell and yet it seems I know nothing because I'm still walking on eggshells
Why am I bothering? What is it all for? To realise that nothing will change just like before I can't work out if I'm trying to see a change in you or myself and I'm only going crazier trying to figure it all out
You have no idea how much I care and I truly wish that I had no feelings there because they get in the way of every decision that would be right because every one I've made so far has been fight or flight
When will you show me who you really are? When the real you feels less vulnerable under your many masks?