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Missing Sharon


I remember the day
they brought you home.
I was excited,
but then you cried,
and cried
and I got mad.
Mother told me you
came on a ship.
I was only four
and of course,
I believed every word.
When you wouldn't stop
crying, I begged Mother
to take you and put you
back on that ship.
She told me she couldn't
do that. I didn't
understand why.

When you turned four,
you got very sick
with meningitis,
went into a coma,
and nearly died.
We couldn't visit you
or Mother, as she stayed
with you in quarantine.
We had to take those
huge, terrible pills,
and stay home away
from anyone so as to
not spread this disease.

When you came out of
your coma, you told
Mother you had been
to Heaven with Jesus,
and the Angels. You said
Jesus saw how sad we were,
and sent you back to us.
When you came home
from the hospital, we
became inseparable.
We went everywhere,
and did everything together.
I never wanted to be
away from you again.

As the years flew by,
I watched as you went
to college and then married.
Became a teacher, your life-
long dream. You had your
first son, Paul, and he was
loved and adored.
Things went wrong,
and you got divorced.
You stay away for so long.
It broke my heart, but I
knew you'd come home.
Then you married again,
and soon there was,

You went back to school,
and got another degree
changing professions.
You worked long, hard hours.
You started a second
job. I begged you to not
work so hard. You kept
on doing 'your thing'.
Then on the Friday after
Thanksgiving, in 1993,
you had a stroke.
You went into a coma again,
but this time you didn't
come out. When I found
out, I rushed to be with you.

I wasn't prepared for what
I saw. There you lay in
a bed of ice, your temperature
108. With tubes and bags,
a ventilator helping you
to breath. I couldn't believe
the words they said,
'she's brain dead'.
I started to scream,
no, no, no, not my baby,
no please, not my baby.
They dragged me out of
NICU and put me in a
wheelchair. I couldn't walk,
I couldn't think, I couldn't

The hours rolled by, and they
only let us in for a few minutes
every four to five hours.
At 1:00 a.m. I had the urge
to go visit you. I walked
that long hall from the
waiting area to where you
were, and asked if I could
be alone with you. One nurse
said, 'no', and the head
nurse said, 'let her go back'.
The tears were rolling down
my cheeks. I held your hand
and prayed. A peace came
over me, as I listened to
the voice of the Lord.
He told me I had to let you
go. I never questioned,
and only obeyed.
I held your hand, and I
prayed. Then I began to
sing, 'Jesus Loves Me'.
I quoted scripture verses
I didn't even realize I knew.
I finally told you, 'it's okay
to go, I'll take care of
your sons'. Your breathing
seemed to level out,
and you stopped shivering.
I left the room with a
peaceful heart knowing
that no matter what happened
God was in control.

When I went back to the
waiting room, I fell in a
deep sleep. Later on that
morning at 6:30, I went to
see you again. The nurse
said they couldn't let anyone
back there. I had a sinking
feeling. The nurse that told
me at 1:00 a.m. I couldn't go
back, came out to the waiting
area and told me that you
stopped breathing shortly
after I left your room.
The ventilator was keeping
your body going. A few
mintues later the doctor
came out, and asked if I
wanted him to cut you open
and massage your heart.
I told him no, you'd been
through enough.

We had to wait on your
husband to come to the
hospital before they
would remove the
life-support. It seemed
like an eternity before
everything was taken
care of, and they finally
let me back in to see you.
I still had that peaceful
feeling, and knew that
this time God called you
home to be with the Angels.

Life's been hard since
your death. I often reach
to pick up the phone to call
you, and realize I can't.
Only God knows what I'd
give to have you here with
me. To see your beautiful
smile, and hear your laughter
once again. Today's been
especially hard because
it's Paul's birthday.
I pray you are watching
over him and protecting him
from harm. I don't understand
why he doesn't call or come

I think of all the family
in Heaven, and it makes
me want to go, but I know
God will take me when it's
my time. Someone said to
me today, 'let go of the dead
and worry about the living'.
I can't just do that. You are
a part of me and I am a part
of you. Even though you've
been gone so long, I still
miss and love you. I do all
I can to take care of the
living, but we were taught
to honor and respect those
who have died and gone on
before us.

So on this Mother's Day,
I'll bring you roses too.
I'll make sure they aren't
yellow, only red will do.
My Sister dear, I have but
one request, please wait
for me beside the gate,
and tell Jesus I won't be

I love you and miss you,
and I always will.

~In Memory Of~
Sharon Williams Garrard Sanders
(my baby sister)

Sheila M. Williams

By Missing

© 2008 Missing (All rights reserved)


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