Wearin' Nuthin' But A Red Velvet Bow
I can't remember ever being wild per say
As quite reserved I have always been
But there was this time back in the day
I did do one thing to surprise my husband
We were broke as usual on our anniversary
With no money for even a card or anything
How could I make something out of nothing
I used my imagination and began thinking
Well, I began searching all over the house
For just anything that would inspire me
I spotted a tiny black bottle on the dresser
It read the word oil and that's all I did see
I'd heard of women wearin' nuthin' but bows
Presenting themselves as gifts to their lovers
Where was that big red bow from Christmas?
I'll wear it and have the oil under the covers!
I'd set the mood, turned the lights down low
When hubby came home, he called out to me
He found me wearin' only that Christmas bow
I patted the bed and said 'Happy Anniversary!'
He'd gotten so excited and crawled right in
I'd put some groovy music on the stereo
After a few kisses here and there I told him
'I'm gonna give you a massage nice and slow!'
I took that little bottle of oil and opened it up
Warmed it in my hands so it wouldn't be cold
I straddled his legs and began at his lower back
You wouldn't believe the horror 'bout to unfold!
The more I rubbed up and down his yearning spine
A stench began overwhelming the entire gesture
He said, 'what in the hell are you putting on me?'
I said, 'I don't know I found this oil on the dresser!'
He bolted up from the bed and I fell onto the floor
Looking at me he asked, 'Woman! Are you crazy?'
In horror I asked, 'what is it?' and then he laughed
'Pam, it's oil for my fishing lures!' Oh no! Mercy me!
I can tell you without a doubt, that was it for me
Never again would I be 'wild or spontaneous'
That one episode was enough to last me a lifetime
But it did provide some laughable memories for us!
~ A Very True Story ~
Written for Jim's 'Wild Things' Challenge
By Adele Kaye
© 2010 Adele Kaye
(All rights reserved)