The Effects of Emotional Autism
' The Effects of Emotional Autism on Self-Aware Individuals with Strong-Willed Personalities'
There isn’t a point in my life
That I can recline and relax the past to trust itself in the future.
Shuttling from one bomb to the next, from
One person who can’t speak to the next person who can only yell.
Playing musical chairs in a group of emotional retards has led me
to forfeit the game or else cause relationship burning of bridges all because
I got the last chair.
Every regular in my life is communication-ally autistic and I’m the worn out parent,
sister, wife, daughter, and friend who is ready to throw up hands and scream into a bucket
Just to feel the sound vibrate back onto my face.
Working with you people is an insane sacrifice that no one should have to make but that
some of us just have to because you were born like this and the truth is
your patterns and cycles are inefficient, a waste of time, annoying, and inhibit me from treating you like an equal because you have a handicap.
Political correctness dictates to keep trying and I haven’t quit yet but without the mask of organizations and awareness marches to protect you, I am going to be truthful that dealing with your inability to understand yourself is mind-numbing that you’re allowed to pay rent, go to work, and have a facebook page.
You don’t learn to communicate better, no matter who draws crayon pictures with you or
What kind of large print books are used to explain to you why you aren’t progressing.
I just need a break. I just need a support group of normal people
Who understand my frustrated fatigue. But I have this ugly inkling that that support group is going to be called ‘co-workers’ and I’m not going to get that release until I finish my P.h.D.
Because you are everywhere, all around, all the time.
You fill the crevices in every family as you detrimentally cause more cracks
You are in every high rise corporate office and you are the one never getting promoted.
Your relationships aren’t fulfilling and you can’t grasp why other people are happier and why you
Just can’t seem to feel any differently than the same cycle of emotions you’ve been feeling since your parents abandoned you or
Your first love broke your heart
Or you were raised in the projects
Or you were born an orphan or
Your brother lived your dream while you rotted at home or
You married the wrong man at the wrong time or
You never figured out what your dad really meant before he died or
You just can’t stop eating away the confusion and the hurt or
You’re woven of guilt because that thing you did or that person you fcked or
The ones you let down because you’ll never be enough or
You didn’t know how to feel so you cut yourself or
Your sexuality was touched to early and you grew as a surface root or
You’ve had the perfect life and you’re absolutely terrified to live deeper than a shallow glory or
You’ve never had enough money or time or opportunity or
You’ve had too much money and it really doesn’t fix the want of love or
This most assuredly lacking list of stories that all matter and all need resolution and you just
Won’t dig in to find it.
So you stay silent and run away. Conflict becomes the enemy or
You impulsively scream and throw tantrums when your emotions overcome you or
Whatever keeps the truth at bay.
Whatever counter acts the real, deep self-awareness,
Whatever temptation sparks separation from spirituality
And the effect becomes your handicap, your autistic communication trap
Laid for yourself, set around yourself, and walked into yourself
As you expect me to accept your bullsht excuses
As if you are the kid from mercury rising
And I believe you have a ticket out
Of the responsibility I bear for both of us.
© 2012 blackballoon
(All rights reserved)