(I wrote this poem while in hospital in Newmarket, and this is my reaction to learning that I have renal cell carcinoma, or kidney cancer - Friday, March 24/2014)|
can never happen to me
but it has - for whatever reason.
how do I feel physically? Not clear.
and mentally? Confused, mad, scared,
discouraged, uncertain, but mostly I ask
life can indeed be strange
and not to mention indiscriminate.
or should that be unbiased perhaps?
it doesn't matter who or what I am,
this body I'm in, is open game for anything,
any time of night or day.
and there's not one blessed thing I can do about it.
questions may come from my mouth relentlessly,
but they aren't about to be answered,
by myself or anybody else.
I seem to be at the end of a long solid
tunnel with a heavy steel door, bolted, welded
and cemented closed.
I step off into a pitch black bottomless hole,
falling, falling, forever falling into nowhere.
nowhere but somewhere.
is that really possible?
did MJ ask himself these questions?
what feelings floated through his mind
as he lay doped up?
how about JM? My cousin MD?
do we all experience sensations similar to these?
what is it really like to face your
outside, a pale blue sky, the sun's rays
work at dispelling winters' snow,
but the one thing the suns' rays can't dispel
are my cancer cells,
here I remain alone and on my own.
this is my battle to be won or lost,
one tiny David against the looming Goliath.
I hope to beat the odds and win this fight,
but we shall see.
© 2018 Wooleyman
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