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I am Broken
 
I admit it now
I'm broken
Like a set of gears that won't quite turn
Or a smile upon a face too stern
And I try
but I fail
In my attempts to learn
the habits i need to move on
To move on from my past
to move on from myself
as my body fails
my bucket list is emptied
giving in to loss of health
and as has always been the case, a lack of wealth
that's held me back
or so I've said
while my anxiety
and my depression
left me barely moving in my room
upon my bed
the thoughts all swirling in my head
that I can't change
or that I won't
I don't quite know
at least not anymore
But maybe knowing is half the battle
sadly I fail the other half
I lack the will or drive to take myself to task
instead lapsing into reminiscing of a past
that really never left me healed
in fact it broke me even more
as I lost track
of what was real
and what was fake
and which were things I simply
allowed my mind to make
so that you'd love me
or that I would come to love myself
when I could never see that kind of desire
or respect
in the eyes of someone else
sometimes I saw it in yours
which is why I set out to make you mine
and back and forth you've gone
out of reach, then in my arms
then drawn away a final time
or maybe once again it's just a wait
a silly game I hate to play
but after all, this falls on me
as much as I would like to make it work
I never made the necessary change
to let the simple situations be played
instead relying on
a hope, a dream
thinking surely perfection would seek
just to be
but how could any of that ever work
how could I have ever thought two pieces
could come together and be a whole when
I am broken

By CrimsonSkies

© 2016 CrimsonSkies (All rights reserved)

 

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