I Need Love
Reminiscing on my memories, standing in my rain,|
Music of my yesterdays, fold back the layers of pain,
The shine I once adhered to, deafened by my fears,
The happiness Iíd known, shattered by my tears.
A girl I do not know, stares back in my reflection,
The way I need to turn, is unclear without direction,
The years Iíve lived ashamed, awake and full of anger,
The nights Iíve been alone, distraught caused by danger.
The clocks spin in reverse, when I look into your eyes,
Caught in a dead stare, mine reflect disguise,
I fell, but I keep falling,
I ran but now Iím crawling.
And I donít know where to go, to find myself again,
Iíve done a million deeds to forgive me of my sin,
My mind plays tricks on me, forgetting that Iím right,
Sometimes when I remember I stay awake all night.
How funny are the trials of life, how theyíre split like puzzle pieces,
The intended words wonít come out right, so the drive within me ceases,
Although I keep you close at heart, in reality you slip by,
I imagine what Iíll miss, once itís time to say goodbye.
All these things donít mean a thing, weíre all just specks in time,
I used to say this to myself, until you were mine,
The rest just disappeared, when you were by my side,
And then so did you, that was when I died.
I cried like a newborn, I couldnít stop for years,
I had told you all my shame, just to make it clear,
Somehow we are friends now, but Iíll always remember,
That first present that I bought for you, for your birthday that November.
Time has really changed us, or our bond to be specific,
I visited you last fall, we hung out by the Pacific,
You made me feel like myself again, unburdened and complete,
Even though life was meaningless and filled with defeat.
I still remember, everything I did to make you understand,
But thatís life, it takes you by the hand,
And pulls you in directions, you never wanted to go,
And finds you in situations that eventually heal your soul.
So for now Iíll live, knowing it was worth it,
That I did my best, although someone likely cursed it,
Although it seeks me daily, I fight against the pain,
I use you as an umbrella to cast away the rain.
I just donít know how to stop what Iíve created,
Without this fear and judgement I could stand elated,
But right and wrong will always find a way,
To fight against the other, in the struggle still today.
So many things gone wrong, so many prayers left unanswered,
I cannot escape my fate, the harrows Iíve seen are absurd,
The laughs, the comments, the looks, the pretending,
Now Iím just too tired, tired of defending,
Myself and my life and all of the above,
Iím so sick of living, thatís why I need love
© 2018 PrincessWhit96
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