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One Day(a look inside anxiety)
 
I am a constant stream
of fears and anxieties.
My insecurities eat me alive
and the thing I fear the most is time...
time takes away all things.
I often find myself wondering
'how long will this last'
or thinking about the change to come.
I am constantly thinking,
constantly trapped in my mind
In a dark swirling mass
that is filled with never ending fears
and memories...
but somehow I cant remember
the things I need to
day to day.

Anxiety....
it is my constant bed mate
keeping me up,
mulling over the endless possibilities.
Anaylizing and reanaylizing
love and life and time..
'one day' people always say,
it is a phrase of neverending
hope's and dreams.
hope for something better 'one day'
but as I lie awake at night
pondering life and death and time...
I pray with all my being 'one day'
I dont have to lose everything
I know and love,
lose EVERYONE I know and love.
I pray that our happy moments
can be frozen in time
that I wont one day
have to live without them
or they live without me
I am endlessly reminded that
'one day' is inevetable..
I picture what that day looks like
And I am drowned with the fear of things
I know will happen
but have absolutely no control over...
It is the utter definition of insanity
and I cannot escape it.
I cannot change it
but still I worry over it.
I am powerless to stop
the deep dark pits of my mind
that are so cold and lonely,
so fear filled that
it is a constant battle
not to let the darkness take me...
and I wonder why I never sleep....

I never sleep for many reasons,
partly because 'one day' is coming
partly because sleep is time lost...
but also because everytime
I close my eyes
I drown in my worst
most inevetable fears
and I watch them dance
behind my eyelids endlessly.
I sleep and am trapped
in an endless fight for my sanity.
I am trapped in an endless cycle
of my own making
and for me
it is inescapable,
it is my own personal hell.

Even now
I can feel a heavy weight
on my chest as I breathe
in and out
trying to control the panic
that reaches the depths of my soul.
I am trying to escape
the images dancing behind my eyes
and the fears that are ever present
in my mind
but still everytime I hear the voice
of someone I love
I intensely fear
that this will be the last time
and I ponder the inevitability that is life....
There is never enough time....
and I know that ONE DAY
I will just be a fading memory...

By Colored in Crimson

© 2019 Colored in Crimson (All rights reserved)

 

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This Poem is part of a Challenge: - The NO FRILLS CHALLENGE--read page for complete rules and info (challenge has been closed)


This Poem is part of a Challenge: - The NO FRILLS CHALLENGE--read page for complete rules and info (challenge has been closed)


This Poem is part of a Challenge: - The NO FRILLS CHALLENGE--read page for complete rules and info (challenge has been closed)


This Poem is part of a Challenge: - The NO FRILLS CHALLENGE--read page for complete rules and info (challenge has been closed)


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